Post Abortion Counselling

Many women (and men) who have had experience of abortion can find themselves struggling to cope in the aftermath of this distressing life event.
Given the extensive media coverage concerning the tragic case of Ms SavitaHalappanavar, you may find yourself being bombarded by unwanted memories, feelings or thoughts that you are struggling to deal with and whether your experience was recent or many years ago, counselling may help you deal with these emotions now.
The secrecy and privacy surrounding abortion means that, for many, post abortive counselling is a support that is not often sought or even considered. This can lead to further compounding feelings of isolation and loneliness.  Often there is an expectation that life will just continue on as normal and when this is not the case, we can be left with a sense of confusion, sadness or anger.
Often the mix of emotions is confusing and disconcerting. Relief, guilt shame and secrecy in equal measures are hard emotions to reconcile. Even something as basic a follow up medical care is often neglected due to embarrassment, or shame certainly do not aid the recovery process either emotionally or physically.
The decision to have an abortion, whether it was with your partner or on your own, can be a harrowing experience mentally and physically, so aftercare should not be ignored.
Parents and partners, in particular, often find they have no voice and no one to turn to and feel as if they are not entitled to the emotions they are experiencing, adding to their sense of loneliness and confusion. The high feelings that surround abortion often leave family members feeling betrayed and angry. This can further ad to the confusion and whirlwind of emotions that can be experienced following abortions. Post abortive care can help with working though the minefield of feelings surrounding the experience. Talking about the decision to have an abortion the impact this has had on your life and the resulting emotions may help you work thought any conflict you are experiencing.
So much has been said, read and written about abortion that it can often seem like we are joining a conversation mid-way through any time the topic is brought up. Counselling and therapy starts back at the very beginning, talking about your journey, your experience and your emotions.
The Post Abortive Counselling I offer is open to men and women, individually or as a couple, as well as parents, siblings and friends and is completely without judgement.
If you would like to talk, feel free to call me for an appointment on 087 709 74 77 or email me in confidence at midwestcounselling@gmail.com.


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Eating Disorders Part I

Every day millions of people live with eating disorders. Men and women, young and old, eating disorders are indiscriminate when it comes to ethnicity or economic demographic. However adolescent women are make up the largest portion of suffers of eating disorders. Year on year this is one group where the numbers remain proportionally higher.

The equation that thin in beautiful had typically been the domain of emaciated Hollywood starlets but it is the frightening rise in popularity of reality TV modelling shows that must carry their own portion of responsibility today. The ratings for these shows are frighteningly high, especially given how barbaric they are in their treatment of vulnerable young girls.

In one show(Americas Next Top Model, Cycle 12) the appalling line “What have you been eating?” was directed at a contestant ( London Levi-Nance, 18 yrs. old) who had openly admitted she had suffered an eating disorder in the past, it really seems the height of irresponsibility to posit such a pointed question at a young woman inthis position. There is no way to misinterpret the derogatory tone of the questionand the young lady’s guilt laden defensive response and subsequent tears leaves no doubt as to the impact this callous and witheringsneer had on her.

Given the proliferation of eating disorder, up to 2000, 00 in Ireland (Source; Independent.ie) it is imperative that we all inform ourselves as to the nature and danger of eating disorders. Our daughters, sisters, friends and neighbours are squarely in the cross hairs and it behoves each one of us to ensure we are equipped with the information to help them manoeuvre this passage of life armed with the support and knowledge that will safely guide them through.

To beginhere are three main types of eating disorders:

•           Anorexia

•           Bulimia

•           Binge purge Eating cycles

Anorexia or anorexia nervosa is the name given to starving yourself because you believe you are overweight. People who suffer from this disorder are convinced they are overweight and highly restrict their food intake. It does not mean a loss of appetite or interest in food, but it does mean reducing and restricting your food intake to that point of starvation. People who are up to 15% under the medically agreed healthy weight for their height and body type and are dieting by refusing foods may be suffering from this disorder.

Bulimia or bulimia nervosa is characterised by cycles of binging, that is, excessive eating, and then purging yourself of the food by inducing vomiting, taking laxatives or enemas and sometimes by exercising obsessively. The process of ridding your body of the calories eaten is called "purging."

Those who suffer from Bulimia may repeat the binge purge cycle many times a day. In contradiction to anorexia, sometimes people who have bulimia can go undiagnosed for a much longer period of time. Oftentimes with bulimia, there is no dramatically obvious weight loss and so the condition remains unnoticed by those close to the sufferer. Because the cycle of binge and purge comes with a great deal of shame attached and can take place over such a long period of time,there can often be a compounding of many of the initial psychological issues that contributed to the bulimia in the first place and great deal of work may need to be done to uncover the core issues at heart. Of the two, bulimia is now the most common eating disorder. It is estimated that 2% of Irish adolescent girls may be suffering from bulimia at any given time. (Source, bodywhys.ie)

A point that needs to be made known and that we need to be reminded of is that eating disorders are a potentially life threatening mental illness.  They are not a lifestyle choice, a fad or diet gone wrong.  We can characterise an eating disorder by looking beyond the average diet to the point that unhealthy preoccupation with eating, dieting, exercise and a distorted sense of body image have taken on significant ramification in a person’s life.

Beyond the two outlined here, there are a large variety of eating disorders, with various different characteristics and causes that can affect a person at any given time. A common theme eating disorders however can be low self-esteem and the eating disorder is an attempt by the person to try and deal with deep rooted psychological issues by engaging with an unhealthy relationship with food.

Again it is so very important to debunk the fairly common misconception that eating disordersare a fad, a choice, or an attempt at attention-seeking. These kinds of misconceptions and judgements serve only to detract from their seriousness of the disorder and blame and further criticism on an already suffering individual. Eating disorders are serious, and potentially fatal, mental illnesses which require intensive psychological and physical intervention. It is common for a person to evolve from one eating disorder to another, and somebody with anorexia may progress into bulimia and or a different binge eating disorder, and vice versa.

Without the correct medical diagnosis and care as well the correct counselling and therapeutic support medical complications including life threatening organ failure is possible.

It is important to remember that person with an eating disorder should not be blamed for having it! Eating disorders are usually the result of a long standing series of complex interactions between social, biological and psychological factors which bring about theses harmful behaviours.

In conjunction with medical care, treatment of eating disorders nearly always includes cognitive-behavioural therapy or psychotherapy like what we offer at Midwest Counselling and Psychotherapy. Sometimes medication may also be needed and in severe cases a cross functional team may need to work hand in hand including hospitalisation combined with psychotherapy. There is some conform to be taken in that knowledge that eating disorders are treatable and often cured within a few months' time, so it is important that we continue to watch out for symptoms among our friend and acquaintances and in particular among young women.

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Post Abortion Counselling

Many women (and men) who have had experience of abortion can find themselves struggling to cope in the aftermath of this distressing life event.

Given the extensive media coverage concerning the tragic case of Ms SavitaHalappanavar, you may find yourself being bombarded by unwanted memories, feelings or thoughts that you are struggling to deal with and whether your experience was recent or many years ago, counselling may help you deal with these emotions now.

The secrecy and privacy surrounding abortion means that, for many, post abortive counselling is a support that is not often sought or even considered. This can lead to further compounding feelings of isolation and loneliness.  Often there is an expectation that life will just continue on as normal and when this is not the case, we can be left with a sense of confusion, sadness or anger.

Often the mix of emotions is confusing and disconcerting. Relief, guilt shame and secrecy in equal measures are hard emotions to reconcile. Even something as basic a follow up medical care is often neglected due to embarrassment, or shame certainly do not aid the recovery process either emotionally or physically.
The decision to have an abortion, whether it was with your partner or on your own, can be a harrowing experience mentally and physically, so aftercare should not be ignored.

Parents and partners, in particular, often find they have no voice and no one to turn to and feel as if they are not entitled to the emotions they are experiencing, adding to their sense of loneliness and confusion. The high feelings that surround abortion often leave family members feeling betrayed and angry. This can further ad to the confusion and whirlwind of emotions that can be experienced following abortions. Post abortive care can help with working though the minefield of feelings surrounding the experience. Talking about the decision to have an abortion the impact this has had on your life and the resulting emotions may help you work thought any conflict you are experiencing. 

So much has been said, read and written about abortion that it can often seem like we are joining a conversation mid-way through any time the topic is brought up. Counselling and therapy starts back at the very beginning, talking about your journey, your experience and your emotions
.
The Post Abortive Counselling I offer is open to men and women, individually or as a couple, as well as parents, siblings and friends and is completely without judgement.


If you would like to talk, feel free to call me for an appointment on 087 709 74 77 or email me in confidence at midwestcounselling@gmail.com.


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Tips on how to cope with your child heading off to college.

You’ve brushed their teeth, fed them their veg and prayed a hole in the sky over the leaving cert results, and now the time has come and you’re sending them off to college. Exciting times?Scary?Emotional? While you may have helped find accommodation and packed their bags, were you silently screaming; “I’ve changed my mind, stay at home with me!!!!”??


Well you wouldn’t be alone! Up until last month this was your little baby, who lived in your home, ate your dinners and lived (by and large!) by your rules and now suddenly they are out in the open, vulnerable and isolated???  Ok a little well -grounded worry is reasonable, but since you cannot sit next to them in their lectures or move in to their new flat, here are a few tips to help you cope and may even prevent you from stealing into their new apartment in the dark of the night and kidnapping your child back home again. Or worse, doing their laundry and cleaning the kitchen!


1. Trust that you have done a good job. As Mum and Dad, you have been preparing them for this since they were born. Every time you made your child wait their turn or say please and thank you, you were preparing them for this. You were teaching them how to behave, how to earn and how to show respect.

2. Every time you made them explain their actions or speak their mind, you were preparing them for this. You were teaching them to challenge own their own thoughts or behaviours and those of others. And to be true to themselves

3. When you pushed them out of bed on cold, wet, dark November mornings, you were preparing them for this. Just because you don’t want to doesn’t mean you don’t have to. A balanced life needs a healthy balance between things we have to do and things we want to do.

4. Every time you picked them up when they fell down, sat them back on their bike or asked them to forgive their friend/brother/sister you prepared them for this. Failure is not important, what you learn from it is.

5. Every time you told them you loved them, you were preparing them for this.  You were letting them know they always have a safe place to go to, when the world gets a bit scary, complicated or lonely they always have you.

6. Also feel free to call as often as you like, secretly they do really want to you!)


If you feel you are not coping to well with this big change in your life feel free to call me for an appointment in confidence in 087 709 74 77 or contact me via my website on www.limerick-counselling.ie





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Bullying and Our Children

It’s normal to feel frightened and enraged about any kind of threat to our children’s well being, here are six solutions that can help parents to be effective in taking charge.

1. Stop Yourself from Knee-Jerk Reactions
If you act upset your child is likely to get upset too. They might want to protect you and themselves from your reaction and the older your child is, the more important it is that they’re able to feel some control about any follow-up actions you might take with the school.

2. Get Your Facts Right
Ask questions of your child in a calm, reassuring way and listen to the answers; look for solutions, not for blame. Be your child’s advocate, but accept the possibility that your child might have partially provoked or escalated the bullying.

3. Protect Your Child
Your highest priority is to protect your child as best you can. What protecting your child means will vary depending on the ability of the school to resolve the problem, the nature of the problem, and on the specific needs of your child. Each case, like each child is unique.

4. Prevent Future Problems
.Concerned parents can help schools find and implement age-appropriate programs that create a culture of respect, caring, and safety between young people rather than of competition, harassment, and disregard.


5. Get Help for Your Child
Finally, you want to get help for your child and for yourself to deal with the feelings that result from having had an upsetting experience. Sometimes bullying can remind you about bad experiences in your own past. Getting help might mean going to a therapist or talking with counselors provided by the school or by other agencies.


6. Make this into a Learning Experience
As parents, it’s normal to want to protect our children from all harm but our children of also need the room to grow. Upsetting experiences don’t have to lead to long-term damage if children are listened to respectfully, if the problem is resolved, and if their feelings are supported.


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Coping with Exam Stress for Parents

The anxiety of waiting for the leaving cert results can affect the whole family. Irritability, snapping and reckless behaviour sometimes emerges as a response to stress- And that’s just the parents!
Below are some tips to help you and your leaving cert student cope with the pressure of waiting for their results:

Take care of yourself and your child in advance of the exam results:

1. Identify when you are feeling stressed!

Signs you may be feeling stress:
Are you smoking, drinking or behaving in a way you wouldn’t normally think is a good idea?

Are you eating less/more than usual?

Do you have difficulty in concentrating?

Can you feel periodic tightness in your chest, pounding heart or breathing difficulties?

Do you have difficulty getting to sleep or frequent bad dreams?

Are you feeling negative, irritable, alienated or cranky with your friends and family (even when they don’t deserve it!) or have you lost your usual good mood and sense of humour?

Are you having a lot of negative thoughts or are you generally feeling run down and disinterested in what’s going on?

2. Look after yourself and be nice to yourselves in the days leading up to the exam results. Treat one another!!!


3. Try to get some exercise, (exercise releases all those lovely endorphins that make us feel better)and try to allocate some time for relaxation, like listening to music, or taking a time out; try yoga or breathing exercises. This can be really helpful in reducing stress and can helpidentify how we are really feeling.

4. Acknowledge your feelings and expectations, as well as the expectations of others. It’s a lot to ask of bothyou and your child to deal with the pressure or expectations of those around you and to make all the right decisions. For the parent the pressure to guide your child in the right direction, to make life altering decisions is intense. Give yourself a break and ask for some space from spouse or family if you feel you are being put under too much pressure.

5. Talk to your friends, family or a professional:Your child’s friends and other parents  are probably feeling the same as you are, so get it off your chest, it may feel a lot better to know you’re not going through this alone.

For an appointment, please feel free to call me in confidence on 087 709 7477, or email me at midwestcounselling@gmail.com

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